


New Questions

by Gatoraaade



Series: Book of mormon one shots [5]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Crushes, First Kiss, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gatoraaade/pseuds/Gatoraaade
Summary: Kevin Price thought he knew who he was. Maybe he doesn't know himself as well as he thought.
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price
Series: Book of mormon one shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635031
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	New Questions

**Author's Note:**

> i hope yall like this. I re wrote it like 10 times and im proud of it now so please enjoy.

Kevin didn’t sleep often anymore. When he did his dreams were plagued by nightmares of The General and the things that he had done, and so Kevin thought it was best just to avoid it at all costs. Even if that meant that he mostly drank coffee instead of water and that his attention span was even shorter than normal.  
It wasn’t all bad. His late night coffee was usually accompanied by Connor McKinley. Kevin always looked forward to his late night talks with Connor. Something about the empty living room late at night felt so intimate. Connor never pressured Kevin to talk about the reasons he was up so late. Of course he still asked and Kevin had learned to trust him enough to give him bits and pieces of the story. But as soon as Kevin got too flustered to continue he would change the subject and he wouldn’t ask again until the next night. It was a strange little routine but it was theirs.  
Some nights Kevin wouldn’t say anything and Connor wouldn’t pressure him to.  
It was the time in between that was always the worst. The time where he had to pretend to sleep without actually falling asleep, because if he were to really fall asleep he would wake up screaming and the rest of the mission hut would be up with him. Which would mean no late nights alone with Connor. Sometimes the thoughts of The General would creep into his waking mind. Tonight was one of those nights. He layed there staring at into the darkness willing his mind to think of anything else.  
"Kevin are you still up?" Arnold's quiet voice pulled him from his thoughts.  
"Yeah I am."  
"You looked like you were about to have a panic attack or something."  
"I just can't sleep." he lied.  
"Do you want me to stay up with you?"  
"Um yeah that would be nice."  
Arnold got up and turned on the light before returning back to his bed.  
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.  
"I don't know anything, I just need a distraction right now."  
"Okay. You and McKinley have been getting really close lately, do you like him?"  
"What? Why would you think that?"  
“I don’t know, the way you act around him reminds me of how I act around Naba and I like her.”  
“I don’t think I like him.” Kevin said, suddenly unsure of himself.  
“What do you mean you don’t think? How don’t you know if you like him or not?”  
“I’ve never really thought about it I guess.”  
“Well then think about it now. How do you feel about him?”  
“I mean I like him but not in that way. I’m not...you know.”  
“Wait really?” Arnold sounded shocked.  
Arnold thought he was gay? Did other people think that? How many other people thought that? Did he really seem gay? Was he gay? He had never thought about that as a possibility before.  
“I don't think I'm like that. I haven’t really thought about that either.” he said at last.  
“So you don’t know that either?” his voice was soft and full of concern, but he might as well have been yelling.  
Kevin looked down at his hands. He was almost 20 years old, he should know these things by now. How didn’t he know? “I guess not."  
Arnold nodded deciding it was best not to push the subject.  
"I actually think I'm going to go to sleep, thank you for staying up with me though, even though it wasn't for very long."  
"No problem buddy." He said before getting up to turn the light back off.  
"Good night pal."  
"Good night."  
Kevin didn't sleep. Instead he stayed up thinking about what Arnold had said. Maybe he was gay. He couldn't remember ever having any sorts of feelings for a girl but he had always thought that was because he was just good at resisting temptation.  
He had always put so much focus into studying scripture that he had never really thought about his lack of attraction to women. But that didn't mean that he was attracted to men right?  
He rolled over in bed and checked the clock, 2 AM, Connor would be waiting by now. He would probably be worried if Kevin didn’t show up, but he didn’t think he could talk to Connor at the moment. So he spent the night staring at the ceiling trying to work out his feelings.  
He had always thought that Connor was good looking, but that didn’t mean anything right? You could recoginze that someone of the same gender was attractive without being gay. Straight guys could know that another guy is good looking, that had to be true.  
As usual Kevin didn’t get much sleep but he was somehow glad that for once it wasn’t over the general.  
\---

Kevin didn’t understand how all it took was one comment to throw him into an entire sexuality crisis but there he was. As much as he didnt want to admit to himself that he was questioning his sexuality, he couldn’t deny that he was. And it seemed like the only person who would understand what he was going though was Connor, and he was the last person Kevin wanted to talk to about this with.  
Kevin sat on the couch of the mission hut, it was their free day and all of the former elders had opted to stay inside to avoid the heat as best as they could. James joined him on the couch.  
“You good?”  
“Not really.”  
“You want to talk about it?”  
He shook his head. “I’m just really confused right now.”  
“About what?”  
He laughed. “Everything, I don’t know who I am without the church it’s been my only focus for so long, and now I’m starting to question the things I was sure about.”  
“Well that’s really vague. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? Because I’m willing to try and help if you do.”  
Kevin nodded. “Thank you for that but I really don’t think you could help with this.” He said staring over at Connor from across the room.  
James followed his gaze. “Ah, I get it. You know I can understand a lot more than you think I can.”  
“What do you mean?”  
James smiled. “I mean that I’m gay too, I get it.”  
Kevin gave him a shocked look. “I’m not- why would you think that? Why does everyone think that?”  
“Hey, dude I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. I just noticed the way you looked at Connor and thought that was it.”  
“How do I look at him?”  
“Like you’re in love with him.”  
Kevin nodded slowly. He didn’t want anyone else knowing these things about him, but at the same time he needed someone to talk to, someone who would understand. “How did you know that you were gay?”  
“Ah okay, so that’s where you’re at.”  
Kevin blushed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Kevin said standing up.  
“Sit back down, you’re fine.”  
Kevin sat not saying a word.  
“It’s confusing I get it and growing up being told that it’s a sin to be gay doesn’t make it any easier. I always knew, but it’s not like that for everyone. But I think a big give away would be how you think about Connor.”  
Kevin opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t say it’s not him because I already know it is.”  
“I don’t know if I think about him in a gay way or not.”  
“How do you think about him?”  
Kevin blushed again.  
“Alright you know what, how about this, I’ll tell you some of the ways that I think about guys that are definitely not straight. Sound good?”  
Kevin nodded.  
“Well there are innocent things of course, like wanting to kiss them or cuddle with them and go on dates, holding hands. Things that come with any crush. And then there are the not so innocent things, which I am not going into detail on because I’m sure you get the idea.”  
Kevin sat in silence.  
“Any of that sound familiar?”  
“Kind of.” He sat silent for another minute. “He was in my hell dream.”  
James raised his eyebrows in question.  
“He was wearing this really tight outfit and he was doing...things to Hitler and I was watching and it was almost like I couldn’t look away.” He knew he should’ve felt a lot more embarrassed about telling James this but he had to know.  
James laughed. “Sorry to break it to you, but there is nothing straight about that.”  
Kevin’s face fell. “So that’s it right? Im gay?”  
“Not necessarily. You could be bi or pan.”  
“What is that?”  
“Well they are both a bit different but in short they both mean that you like both boys and girls. If you think that you are one of those I can explain the difference.”  
“I don’t know.”  
James nodded. "Okay. Well can you think of a time you've been attracted to a girl?"  
"...No."  
“Well then yeah, you’re gay.”  
Kevin nodded slowly. “I don’t want to be gay, I just want to be normal.”  
James gave him a sad look. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay Kevin, I know it’s hard to beleive. It’s perfectly normal, you’ll be able to understand that someday. Just because I’ve always known that I’m gay doesn’t mean that I didn’t struggle with it.”  
“Thank you James.”  
“It’s no problem, like I said I know what you are going through and I’m here to help. Though I do suggest going to talk to Connor because he’s been pinning over you since you here.”  
Kevin gave James a small smile.  
\---  
That night Kevin wanted nothing more than to skip his late night with Connor again, he didn’t want to face those feelings, but he knew the longer he waited the scarier it would get.  
Connor was sitting at the counter as always. He looked stunning sitting there in the dim light with the warmest smile on his face. It was a smile that immediately filled Kevin’s stomach with butterflies.  
“Hi.” he said quietly, sitting down next to Connor.  
“Hey. Did you get some sleep last night?”  
Kevin laughed. “No.”  
“Oh I thought since you didn't come out last night.”  
“I was just thinking about something a lot.”  
“You know that’s why I come out here right? To make sure that you are okay and to help you keep your mind off of that.”  
“It wasn’t that.”  
“What was it?”  
Kevin took a deep breath. “You.”  
“What about me?” Connor asked cautiously.  
Another deep breath. “I think I like you Connor, like in a not straight way.”  
Connor sat in silence for a moment. "You’re...you know?"  
"I think so."  
“Oh, wow.”  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”  
“No no no, it’s fine.” Connor sat in silence for a moment. “This isn’t some kind of sick joke is it?”  
“I wish it was.”  
“I like you too.”  
Kevin’s heart skipped a beat. “Really?”  
‘Yeah.”  
Kevin was suddenly overwhelmed with the want to kiss him. Just a few days ago he had been completely oblivious to his feelings for Connor and now he was sitting there wanting desperately to kiss him and see if his lips were as soft as they looked.  
And so in a moment of courage he placed both hands on the sides of Connor's face and did it. There were a few seconds of shock on Connor's part before he began to kiss him back.  
Kevin couldn't have imagined how amazing kissing felt. He felt as though the butterflies in his stomach had multiplied and it was scary and exciting and new all at the same time. It was sloppy from the lack of experience on both ends but neither of them cared.  
He didn't know how long it was before he pulled away. It could have been seconds or hours for all he cared. He stared at Connor and giggled quietly. "So what happens now?" he asked  
"I don't know, but I hope whatever it is we will be together."  
"So do I."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave kudos and a comment if you did! i love hearing from yall.
> 
> also I published a new chapter of my muti chapter fic 'Turn it Off' but i don't think it's showing up in the tags so if you are interested please check it out


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